It was 7pm, we’d just arrived to the party. I thought I’d have a quick ciggie before going inside.
Covid hasn’t helped with that initial social anxiety, especially arriving to a big party. I thought I’d slowly integrate myself into the space.
While chatting to a bunch of friends a bump of K was offered around. I’d been drinking all afternoon so I really should have known better.
I’ve witnessed the mix of too much alcohol with K so many times, it never ends up fun. But, when you’ve had too much alcohol your common sense
often flies out the window. So I excitedly took up the offer… literally my thoughts were ‘this party is about to be so much fun’.

Within a few minutes I was pretty confused, luckily found a friend who was sitting down having a ciggie so I joined them.
Sitting down seemed like a really good idea because my head was starting to spin.
Next thing I know I’m really not feeling too well and can’t even navigate myself so my mate walks me across the road to some bushes.
The bushes became my home for the next hour. Vomiting my guts up, my head was spinning so much I held onto a low set brick fence to try ground myself.

I was suddenly in not a good headspace. I was thinking about my relationship and all the negative things going on in my life.
With every negative thought, I’d have to purge it out. I just wanted it to stop, but the negativity just kept coming.
Luckily my mate turned out to be a great trip sitter and really comfortated me through the whole thing and kept super calm which helped me process everything going on.

They helped talk me through my relationship issues, life stresses, and every time I needed to vomit they just kept repeating, ‘it’s all good, maybe it’s best to just get it all out’.
At some point I needed to pee but I had no idea where I was, up from down. I found a big tree that was in the dark and somehow managed to get through that moment okay haaa.
Everything just felt so wobbly, time completely distorted, and I was surprised at how dark I got. But it also made me realise I was holding on to a lot and deep down it was affecting my mental health.

By the time I finally stopped vomiting and was able to stand, I wasn’t in much of a party mood. I’d just returned from hell and back and purged my way through the journey.
After over an hour of being at the party I finally entered inside. Everyone was having a great time, my friends were all happy to see me and wondering where the fuck I’d disappeared to.
I felt really bummed that now I wasn’t in the mood to dance and just didn’t feel like a very happy camper. I was also extremely aware of how unhappy I was in my relationship and lots of other aspects of my life.
I found a spot with a chair and sat my gloomy ass down and sipped on some water. By this stage the embarrassment kicked in, although none of my friends were judging me, I was judging myself pretty hard!

Promised myself to never let my drunk self accept a bump of K again (a promise I’ve made myself before…I’m in my 30s…. I should know better).
The party only lasted another hour and then it was all done… I was so disappointed I blundered my night and I was sooo keen early to dance and let my hair down.
Dancing is normally my way of shifting negative feelings and processing emotion… it’s way more fun that way.
It was such a weird headspace I was in and it kinda hung around till the next day.

The only positive things to come out of this experience was:
a) discovering I’ve got mates who are really incredible friends and trip sitters.
b) I was made aware and fully conscious of things in my life that were making me feel unhappy and that I needed to make changes.
c) later in the week I was able to verbalise my feelings and communicate with my partner which ended up improving our relationship so much.

My word of advice. NEVER DO K IF YOU’RE DRUNK. A dark puking trip down the k hole ain’t fun, and spending a night in some random bushes exorcising your inner demons suck.
Just stick to one or the other.